Saying Sorry

I never knew that having children would be just as much me learning from them as them learning from me. But here we are, 8.5 years into this whole “mom” gig and I’m constantly stopping, thinking, and doing a heck of a lot of heart-checking and pride-surrendering.

You see, the other day I made a mistake. I screwed up. It was an accident. Unintentional. Certainly not what I had set out to do but it still hurt somebody. My gut instinct was to whine and say “But, but, but, but I didn’t mean to!” I wanted to spring into defence of myself and explain away how I had not intended to hurt.

And then my soul, my heart, the Holy Spirit, convicted me. How many times do I gently gather one or all of my girls up in my arms and explain that yes, accidents happen. And we can see and understand that there was no intention of harm and while that’s good there was hurt caused. There was harm. And that needs to be healed. Because it’s our jobs to protect the hearts of those people we love. And despite my good intentions, I had hurt the heart of someone I loved.

Oh man…it still hurts to write this. My heart aches to know that I caused the heart of another to ache. I am so very flawed. So very human. So very quick to side with my pride. But I’ve gotta check my ego and ask for forgiveness. Because if I don’t do it, how can I expect my kids to? If I don’t be the example. Live the example. Not just talk, but walk, the example. My words are nothing but that…words. Air. Meaningless.

So I took a step back. I assessed my actions. I saw my error. I laid down my pride. And I apologized. Because, even though it was an accident, the hurt was still very real. Saying sorry is hard. But in this world full of hurt, we can’t afford not to.